Gunshy

I'm going to overthink a decision now. I'm so completely incapable of coming up with a good set of pros-vs-cons on this job I've been offered (pro: I have an offer. con: i would be flying there weekly) that I'm nitpicking the small things.

One thing we're going to need is someone to get the kids off to school from the time J has to be at work. So, like, getting to my house at 6:30 and getting the Boy onto his bus and then bringing the girls to their respective schools. And what if there's a day off? Aw, fuggit. Not that it would be any different/better if I worked close, mind you.

So, I'm just going to stew in this and not be able to sleep and "wake up" in the morning as incapable of pulling the trigger as I am now. Fuck this.

The beat goes on

Yeah I'm still looking for a job. I hate to complain because some people have it worse. But my finances are quickly being drained, my patience is quickly getting tried, and I'm questioning whether the 15 years of experience I have is just a dream because "perfect" positions don't even want to see me. I probably need to overhaul my resume to minimize the fact I've jumped around so much. Regardless of whether or not it was my fault.

Calculate this: I've been let go FOUR times in less than two years. Is it a record? Doubt it. But thinking about it in that context makes me feel like I'm in this rut for the long haul and even if I get a great job I shouldn't feel comfortable.

I would love to completely change my career path, but the thought of going back to school makes me physically ill, and I don't know what there is I could DO that could support a family properly. I could teach, but what? The private sector sucks balls, the public sector doesn't seem to have a clue as to what I could bring to the table, and I don't have the type of thing I could get my own clients for.

So I talk to recruiters, I send out my electronic life, and I sit here and watch Maury or Spring Training baseball so that that helpless feeling of overthinking doesn't fill the gaps.

Just. Not. Fair.

One of these lifetimes I'm going to catch a break.

How pissed can I be, really?

Forgetting that I can't imagine things being markedly different at workin the forseeable future...
Forgetting that Shigette's job search doesn't seem like it's a priority, and the ONE interview she went on seems to have dead-ended...

I'm trying to understand how I had more money in the bank when I was making 25% less than I am now back 6 years ago, and now we have to pick and choose our monthly outgo by bill. How do other people do it, because I haven't gotten my bailout yet.

Should I be happy I have a job even though it's not financially positive?

Grrrr

Logic is a dangerous thing.